


Trivial Pursuit

by amare



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Citadel DLC, M/M, Rimming, Some epistolary content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 22:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1487146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amare/pseuds/amare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan and Shepard's personal lives go public after a video leaks to the press. They deal with the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trivial Pursuit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spicyshimmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicyshimmy/gifts).



> This alludes to the Citadel DLC (although it takes some liberties). I typically romance Kaidan as quickly as possible, and so the DLC happens almost directly after their date at Apollo Cafe. 
> 
> Thanks to [queertitan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/queertitan), [it's in the water](https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_in_the_water), J, [Akiotena](http://archiveofourown.org/users/akiotena), and the eternal enablers, [kyrene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrene) and [Talya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fyredancer). (And extra thanks to go [TheLCM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLCM) for being an ear when they haven't so much as seen a ME loading screen. What a bamf.)

 

Diana Allers came and found him in the mess while Shepard was shoveling protein around on his plate, one edge to the other. Kaidan was next to him, buried in a datapad, a furrow between his eyebrows that Shepard couldn't call out as the beginnings of a headache or something to do with what he was reading.

"Commander," Allers greeted him breezily, camera drone hovering above her left shoulder. "Do you have ten minutes?"

"Maybe after lunch," Shepard said. He slipped a forkful of food onto Kaidan's mostly untouched plate. His biotic metabolism usually made him a trash compactor; however flavorless or chewy the ration pack, Kaidan could and often did make it disappear in the blink of an eye.

Her affable professionalism shifted as fast as her posture—one fist settled at her hip, and when she spoke, she sounded exasperated. "I've been sending messages to Traynor since yesterday, hoping to get a little one on one. The sooner we get this done, the better."

Traynor was instructed to notify him of strictly priority messages since his return from shore leave, but Shepard didn't think Allers would appreciate knowing just how far down that list she ranked. "What's up?" Shepard asked. "You don't look too excited. Ratings slip?"

"Yeah, I'm not too excited." She started to pace beside the table, and the drone followed sedately. "I'm a military reporter, not some two credit hack running lifestyle pieces on Westerlund News."

Kaidan looked up from his datapad. "Lifestyle pieces? Isn't that sort of thing a little _tabloid_ for Battlespace?"

"Exactly," she snapped, rounding on them, but the two of them sitting there with N7 emblazoned on their shoulders must have sobered her. She calmed considerably. "The chatter is out of control since your indiscretion on the Citadel. I've got ANN breathing down my neck looking for a quote, and nothing I say about journalistic integrity seems to sway them."

A frisson of shock tightened Shepard's gut and locked his spine. In his peripheral, he saw Kaidan freeze, the same stillness and halted breath he assumed just before squeezing a trigger. "Come again?" he asked.

Allers' gaze tracked the both of them and the sudden dampening of conversation amongst the crew in the mess hall. "Okay," she said slowly, "I can see we're going to want to do this in private. Your place or mine, Commander?"

He stood up from the table, Kaidan rising in nearly the same instant, and they traded a glance. Kaidan's mouth firmed at the corners, the furrow between his eyebrows deepening, and Shepard nodded. "Your quarters are fine. We'll meet you there at 13:30."

\--

Kaidan said nothing during their walk to Engineering. Shepard wanted to let his knuckles brush and drag against his wrist, but Kaidan's silence and the way Shepard's own pulse was ticked up a notch kept his hand swinging firmly at his own side. He did catch Kaidan rubbing his temples in the elevator, but even that wasn't enough to tempt Shepard into closing the distance.

Allers was ready for them in the cramped, humming space of her makeshift quarters. Funny—coming down to Engineering usually felt like entering the heart of the ship, and so its close walls and shadowy stairs were comforting. Now, it just felt dank and claustrophobic. Shepard remained standing, and Kaidan leaned back against the far wall, aping casualness.

Down in her element, and having secured them, Allers seemed a lot less distracted.

"First of all, did you know about the surveillance vid on the Citadel?"

"Is it a dead giveaway if I ask 'what surveillance vid?'" Shepard asked.

She pursed her lips but nodded shortly, fingers flying across a datapad. Behind her, a viewscreen lit up, paused on grainy footage of a dark alley Shepard immediately recognized as near Anderson's—well, Shepard's—apartment. In the left corner, two figures limned in the green of night vision were pretty obviously him and Kaidan.

He remembered that night. Flush with a handful of cocktails, and with the victory of narrowly escaping death by clone, he and Kaidan walked from the bar in Silversun Strip back to the apartment. They got a little sidetracked.

Allers' finger hovered above the Play button, and she gave an uncomfortable shrug. "This broke at 0:2:00 yesterday."

The clip had shit audio, as if someone were piping it through a maintenance shaft, but it picked up Kaidan's chuckle when Shepard pulled him further into the alleyway. That low, happy sound had made the hairs on the back of Shepard's neck stand on end, and it nearly did the same hearing it again. Shepard's answering murmur, pressed to the corner of Kaidan's mouth, was so distorted as to be incomprehensible.

He'd never seen himself drunk and handsy before. It was hard to look at, actually, through his dawning horror. Shepard's pixelated hands creeping to the top of Kaidan's ass. He spared Kaidan a glance when he couldn't stand it anymore, not with Diana Allers' stare taking unflinching inventory—her and half the damn galaxy, no doubt.

Looking at Kaidan was a mistake. On the vid, Kaidan moaned as Shepard's hands squeezed, and Shepard watched a humiliated red creep up his neck and ears. His walled off stare was even worse. Shepard hurriedly turned his attention to the pipe beside the viewscreen, the two of them only a blur at the corner of his eye.

The vid caught Shepard's name through Kaidan's next garbled sentence, but nothing else. That was when they got it together and made it inside, and thankfully when the vid ended.

Well, that part of it, anyway.

Khalisah al-Jilani's head and shoulders filled the screen, eyes alight with her usual appetite for destruction, and Shepard nearly groaned.

 _"Sources have confirmed that this footage is of Spectres Shepard and Alenko on a recent visit to the Citadel, which raises worrying questions. Why is it that soldiers tasked with the defense of humanity—and the entire galaxy—are committing drunken indiscretions? Why were they on the Citadel to begin with, frequenting bars and sushi restaurants—"_ behind her appeared a candid photo someone must have snapped when he'd met up with Joker, before the mercs arrived. It wasn't the most flattering shot; leather jacket, mouth open to crack some joke, sorely out of place, _"—when every day the Reapers draw closer to our systems?_

 _"Major Kaidan Alenko was only recently made a Spectre, as many of our viewers will recall. While the propriety of his and Commander Shepard's actions is certainly up for debate, their relationship,"_ she said it like a dirty word, _"raises other concerns."_

Kaidan's face filled the screen behind her, a shot from when he first enlisted, probably, no lines on his face and too serious in his uniform. _"Look at the facts: Alenko was made a Spectre by Councilor Udina, who was revealed to be working with Cerberus, and Alenko himself fired the shot that killed him. He immediately signed up to serve under Commander Shepard. Now the two of them are gallivanting around the galaxy together, running amok on the Citadel, and are taking advantage of the unlimited access and resources permitted to them as Spectres._

_"Was Alenko's promotion on the up-and-up? Is it safe to combine the forces of two extraordinarily privileged soldiers? Are there Council regulations about fraternization between Spectres? And what role does Cerberus now play, considering Shepard's troublesome past and his and Alenko's association with the late Councilor Udina?_

_"Think about this, viewers. We're asking the hard questions, and it's only right that the Council give us answers. I'm Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani—_ "

Allers stopped the vid, and some of the tension that had mounted as al-Jilani's voice battered Shepard's eardrums stopped, but none of the fury.

"That vid of you both's been picked up by intragalaxy outlets. Most of them are airing it for the titillation factor, something to run that isn't more death tolls, but some are spewing the same crap as Khalisah."

"What role does Cerberus play—is she _kidding_?"

Allers leveled him a look that spelled out her impatience. "Look, guys, whatever you get up to isn't my business, and frankly I don't care. I'm here to report on the war, and I question your choices when necessary, but this has nothing to do with that. This is cheap tabloid fodder."

"So why'd you want ten minutes?" Shepard demanded. "Why is ANN all over you?"

"Uh, _because_ ANN is all over me?" she said, lifting an eyebrow. "Khalisah tapped into paranoia that most of humanity is nursing right now, and even if it's bullshit, I know the Alliance wants to stamp it out before it gets worse. My boss is leaning on me because Battlespace has direct access to the two Spectres in question." Her fingers, with their sensible pale manicure, spread helplessly. "Ratings."

"So you want a statement?" Kaidan asked, sealed up as tight as any hatch.

"Yeah, something from the varren's mouth. Look at it as your opportunity to undermine Khalisah and set the record straight."

"What am I supposed to say? 'Don't worry, Kaidan and I aren't Cerberus agents?'" Shepard bit. "'It isn't anyone's business who I sleep with?'"

"Well, that's a start."

" _It isn't anyone's business who I sleep with_!"

The sound of Shepard's shout reverberated off the bulkhead and startled all three of them. Allers was a pro, though; her eyes widened with only a slight hint of white.

"Shepard," Kaidan said, low and closer to him than he had been. Shepard felt Kaidan's palm against his shoulder, a brief, cajoling pressure. "Can we do this later?" he asked Allers, back to sounding detached.

"Sure," she said after a long moment, weighing Shepard with a considering gaze. "But don't wait too long. Letting this go unchecked is just going to fuel the fire. It's in your best interests to talk to me before it's an inferno."

On their way out, Kaidan made excuses about tests in the med bay, errands for Dr. Chakwas, and Shepard nodded his dismissal. He needed a few minutes alone to think, anyway, moments away from Kaidan and that look on his face. From the acute knowledge that those private sounds Kaidan made for Shepard were being shown from the Citadel to Cerberus headquarters. Shepard wasn't an idiot; he knew they needed to discuss it, come up with a game plan once it'd sunk in, but he felt Kaidan's distance as untraversible. It twinged, and if he pushed now when everything was fresh for both of them—well, Shepard didn't want him locking up even worse.

\--

_Westerlund News Forums - Real Issues, Real Coverage, Real People_  
  
 _WN EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE – SPECTRE COMMANDER SHEPARD AND SPECTRE MAJOR KAIDEN ALENKO CAUGHT CANOODLING ON THE CITADEL [HIRES PICS INCLUDED]_  
  
 _***_

_This one is pleased. This one has long been eager to see Commander Shepard find happiness._

_*_

_With dismay: Always thought Commander Shepard seemed interested in Dr. T'Soni._

*

_akjsfkjfsa!!!!!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT. they look sohappy!_

*

 _Of course WN has nothing better to do than report this garbage. And of course the simple public is lapping it all up. This is nothing more than a blatant ploy to distract us, to divert our attention from the mistreatment of refugees and the dying still on Earth. Where are the reports on the food shortages, the substandard medical care (I've seen one article on the "mysterious" power failures at Huerta Memorial. ONE, when a dozen life support systems lost power)? Who's talking about the orphans and shattered families, or the blatant speciesism perpetrated the Council? No, instead we need to obsess over a Council puppet and which of his cronies he's sleeping with. Disgusting. Is WN now in the deep pockets of protecting alien interests too?_ _  
  
_(show more)__  
  
\--

Glyph greeted him a full thirty seconds before Liara even glanced over her shoulder.

"Shepard," she said eventually, something quizzical in it, and he realized how few his visits had been and how mission-oriented they were.

Glyph bobbed around him, as if torn between being solicitous to a guest and returning to its post at Liara's side. Eventually Shepard leaned against a desk, careful not to upset the many datapads she'd piled up. There was certainly organization in Liara's setup, but in such a small space things tended to look more like chaos.

"Did you know?" he asked, studying one of the viewscreens. It showed a graph of market trends and had a feed of constantly changing numbers along the bottom, and Shepard's eyes hurt to follow it. "You're the Shadow Broker; you have your hand in so many pots."

"I am the Shadow Broker," she agreed, "but I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific."

"About me and Kaidan. The leaked surveillance vid," he clarified, because it wasn't like he and Kaidan were a secret from the crew. They'd made no attempts to be clandestine, and if anyone asked outright what he and Kaidan got up to, spending so much time together all of a sudden, Shepard would probably just smirk. When Liara's expression did not change from neutral expectation to realization, Shepard added, "Two Spectres, kissing scandalously? It's all over the extranet?"

"Ah, no. I function as the Shadow Broker from a few dozen vid screens in a glorified supply closet. I don't have the resources to keep track of gossip about the great Commander Shepard. Glyph filters that sort of thing out, or I'd never get anything done." She went back to crunching numbers or deciding the fate of planets, whatever it was that Liara did between lunch and dinner.

"So you haven't seen it?" Shepard asked, just to be sure.

She hesitated, then shook her head. Shepard watched the back of her graceful neck move. "No, and I don't plan to. The search I just ran, however, shows that hits on your name have been steadily rising in the last twenty-four hours, especially in conjunction with Major Alenko's."

Nothing he didn't know already, but it still made his shoulders droop, a darkly amused laugh slipping out of his mouth. "Great. Well, thanks."

"I can have Glyph send you updates on relevant results if you'd like?" Liara offered.

"No, that's—I'm fine. Not really at a place where I want to see any of that."

"Understandable."

He watched her work for a moment before he continued, somewhat sheepishly, with his questions. "I figured as the Shadow Broker you had some experience in spinning scandals."

Liara turned in her chair to face him again. She'd give it to him straight, whether he wanted to hear it that way or not. "Normally I would suggest a diversion, but we have enough distractions with Cerberus and the Crucible as it is. For now, all I can suggest is focusing on what's truly important." She said it not without sympathy, and Shepard wondered for one tiny, selfish minute if she could use her sympathy and her prowess to take some of the focus off him and Kaidan, interrupt broadcasts somehow. But he sighed that urge out before he could vocalize it.

"Fair enough. It'll probably blow over anyway."

Liara always made things seem calm and reasonable, even in the middle of a firefight. It was why he'd decided, on some instinctive level, to go to her first, probably, Shadow Broker status aside.

"I've got to talk with Kaidan. I'll see you for dinner," he said, shades of an order in his voice. Liara holed up with her work for most meals. Usually he left her to it, but walking in to her office quarters and seeing her surrounded by all of those lonely screens reminded him of how little time they spent together lately.

"Certainly, Shepard," she said.

\--

_[ARMAX ARSENAL ARENA MESSAGING SERVICE]_

**_Your unfortunate choice in teammates_ **  
_From: Liona T'Alik_  
  
 _Your rise through the ranks is impressive for its paucity, human, and I was content to let it pass without comment, but then you let your relationship with that human biotic interfere with the games. These abominations are given special treatment, coddled as they struggle to learn concepts asari master at birth, and now I can't watch a game without seeing their mockery of true biotic power. The public may have begrudgingly allowed humans a voice in diplomacy, but asking us to accept human biotics is a step too far._

_Consider my message some helpful advice, as I know I am the least volatile of those who yet protect the sanctity of biotics. You should consider retiring your L2 during matches; I'm sure his skills are better suited to your cabin anyway._  
  
 _Liona T'Alik_

\--

The model ships in his cabin didn't offer any solutions, despite the twenty minutes Shepard spent staring at them. He spent another twenty minutes going over reports, some fuel emission statistics that Joker should have known not to CC him on, until he finally gave in and used the intercom.

"Traynor, tell Major Alenko to come to my cabin at his earliest convenience."

"Yes, Commander." There was no hint of anything strange in her tone, but he could attribute that to professionalism. Or just good sense.

He remembered the walled off look Kaidan wore, the way they hadn't touched but for that brief moment after he'd shouted, and flicked on the intercom again. "By earliest convenience I mean ASAP."

Her reply came a little slower. "Yes, Commander. I'll tell him."

Shepard could wait, could be still and silent with the best of them, but killing time in his own quarters while waiting to have an uncomfortable conversation was … trying. His mood was improved since seeing Liara and then letting himself be by hypnotized by the models, but truthfully Shepard's blood pressure was already soaring because of the war. He didn't need to let this fester and make it even worse.

He occupied his time with checking his personal correspondence. Three messages from Allers that he deleted unread, a status report from Anderson that thankfully referenced nothing about the Citadel, and a letter from Jack sent that morning.

_**You horny bastard** _  
_From: Jack_  
  
 _Well, well, well. The Boy Scout finally hooked up. I sincerely didn't know you had it in you, Shepard. And from the looks of that vid, you definitely had it in you._

_I'm just giving you shit. I'm glad you found someone who got you to loosen up enough to be stupid in public. Alenko seems all right, but two Spectres fucking their way through the galaxy? Sounds like a porn vid or something._

_You still need to meet me for that drink—bring the Major to Purgatory so I can give you both the official congratulations. Shots on me._

_\-- Jack_

Shepard kept stalling out every time he tried to start some kind of reply to her, and by the time Kaidan finally arrived, he'd given up entirely.  
  
"Hey," Kaidan said cautiously. "Sorry about earlier."  
  
"Nothing to be sorry for. Why don't you have a seat?" he asked. Kaidan was hovering near the hatch. Blue light from the aquarium rippled across his face and made his expression unreadable.  
  
Boots heavy, Kaidan meandered down the stairs and over to a chair across from him. He sat, rubbing his palms against the caps of his knees. "I—don't do well with my privacy invaded. And my opinion of the press, after years of human biotics being portrayed as …" He trailed off, shaking his head and chuffing humorlessly.  
  
Freaks. Mistakes of science. Dangerous. Inferior. Human biotics were still battling that rep, and even though Kaidan had proved himself the foremost example of human excellence with L2 implants and Spectre status to boot, it barely made a dent. The media saw Kaidan as an anomaly, and now—who knew what they thought.  
  
"Neither of us has any love for the press," Shepard said into Kaidan's silence. "But we don't need an excuse. If you don't want to give a statement, you don't have to. I'll tell Allers to screw off."  
  
"No, it's not all that. She's just as happy about this as we are." Kaidan sighed. It wasn't the noise of relief he made after a long day in armor, stretching cramped muscles, or even the wistfulness he occasionally showed, but pure weariness. "I have two unsent drafts where I tell my mom about us. It was never the right time—one of them was from when you visited me at Huerta, so there wasn't even an _us_ yet—and I couldn't find the right way to say it. So I just never did."  
  
"It's pretty new, Kaidan. I can see why you didn't."  
  
"It is new. And it's pretty great. But now my mom's gonna see me getting felt up between the death tolls and the scrapes we're always getting into. It's … not ideal."

As a rule, Shepard didn't feel a lot of shame. He tried to avoid making choices that would lead to it, and he didn't regret anything in that fucking alley, but Kaidan's embarrassment poked a tender spot. He got up from his seat to shake off the feeling, standing at rest beside the model display case.  
  
Kaidan moved quick and silent, but not covertly enough for Shepard to miss when he came to stand beside him, leaning against Shepard's desk. He took up too much of a room, gave off too much heat, to be unnoticeable, and anyway lately it'd seemed like Kaidan was a homing beacon, prickling the back of Shepard's neck with his proximity. He could always root him out.

"I get that. I'm angry too. Kissing you after last call shouldn't cause a galactic incident. But right now we have to decide what we're going to do about it. We can let it dog us, or we can shake it off and keep saving the galaxy." Shepard turned to him and let his mouth curl with amusement at the last, letting him share the joke.

Kaidan nodded his agreement, but then his head tilted and he peered through squinted eyes at Shepard, like he was trying to see clearer. Shepard easily identified it as that sly look he sometimes got when things were about to become interesting. "And what are we doing, Shepard?" he asked, voice pitched lower.

As new as the two of them were, it was the same as Kaidan covering his nine. His body language, the curl of his lip—only that, and Shepard knew where they were headed. Shepard closed some of the distance between them, thigh knocking into Kaidan's, and it felt like a tangible relief. Kaidan's eyes flickered to Shepard's mouth. "You tell me, Major."

"Hey, you're the one who invited me to your cabin. I'm the one being called Shepard's, uh, Erotic Biotic." He tried to laugh at it, but the corners of his mouth were pinched.

"Shit, really?" It had kind of killed the mood. Shepard frowned while Kaidan exhaled, putting his hands to Shepard's shoulders and sliding them resignedly down his chest. "Do you _want_ to say something? Officially, I mean?"

"To Diana, maybe, yeah. I think she's right. I think if we try and ignore it, it'll just get worse. And I'd rather give ANN a quote when I know the word 'Spectre' is going in front of my name, and not to some gossip rag that's gonna speculate on whether I call you 'sir' in bed."

Shepard worked that one over like a particularly hard bite of a protein bar. He considered pointing out that technically Kaidan outranked him, but he didn't think either of them were ready to find it funny yet. "If you want to give a statement, I'm right behind you. I'll follow your lead on this."

"Thanks." The grin he flashed brightened him considerably. "That means a lot."  
  
"It's really self-preservation," Shepard confessed. "You know how bad I am at press."

"At last, I've found something you're bad at." Kaidan was still smiling, but it slowly faded, whatever big thought that was nagging him circling back around and putting creases between his eyebrows.  
  
Shepard studied him as the moment teetered back into sober again. "You know none of the crew cares, right? I'm pretty sure they figured it out before we said a word."  
  
"Right. I'm not worried about that." Kaidan paused, looking away for a moment. "But you know Ash would have given us hell."  
  
"We're talking about _this_ now?" Shepard asked, a little thrown. "Ash would give us the same hell Garrus is giving us." Garrus hadn't actually said anything, but his mandibles twitched every time he spotted Kaidan and Shepard standing closer than protocol dictated. It was more of a raised eyebrow than actual commentary. "Which is none."  
  
"If we weren't Spectres, you know she'd have us both up on charges." Kaidan looked amused, though distant, staring past Shepard and the Normandy's bulkhead and into some place Shepard couldn't occupy.  
  
"I don't think she'd want to take time away from shooting Reapers to dress us down. And we _are_ Spectres, so it's all conjecture anyway."  
  
"Right." Kaidan shook his head, and the distant look in his eyes vanished. "Ash isn't around, you and I aren't technically _fraternizing_. So why do I still feel like I'm being court martialed?"  
  
Shepard didn't have a good answer for that.  
  
\--

_Hey Mom,_  
  
 _I'm sure by now you've seen the news, and you know this letter is a little belated. I'm sorry for that. Things moved so quickly after I left Huerta, and I wasn't sure where Commander Shepard and I stood until I rejoined the Normandy. It took a lot of time to put the past behind us. We're good now, though. Things are good, at least on that front._  
  
 _Like I said, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before now. Not the first thing you want to put in a letter, you know? It's so impersonal, and you've had your hands full with the refugee camp and Dad. Sending a letter about my love life seemed… odd. But now it's out there, for better or for worse. I wish it wasn't headline news in the middle of a war, or that the vid wasn't so embarrassing, but there's nothing I can do about it. What is it Dad says? Wish in one hand… ?_  
  
 _Let me know if there's anything you need. If this message even gets to you; I know how much interference there is on Earth right now. I may have authorized use of a priority signal to deliver it, so that should help. Hey, if I didn't run wild with Spectre privileges every now and then, I think the Council would be disappointed._  
  
 _All my love,_  
 _\-- Kaidan_

\--

Allers interviewed them separately. Shepard wouldn't call either of them media savvy, but Kaidan was definitely more politically minded, and it was best to let him do most of the talking.  
  
Most of the report focused on legitimate aspects of the war, outlining a few missions they'd been on that weren't totally classified, but at the end—to the delight of the higher ups at ANN, no doubt—Allers addressed the quote-unquote criticism of their behavior on the Citadel.  
  
He watched it when it aired, alone in his cabin, though he knew most of the crew liked to gather and watch Battlespace segments in the mess. He didn't feel like enduring their well-intended ribbing, so he sipped a tumbler of Peruvian whiskey and watched Allers attempt to steer them through her point-blank interview.  
  
 _"Well, I did check the regs,"_ Kaidan was saying, wearing a faint, self-deprecating smile, his arms resting on the table with his hands clasped. _"To make sure we weren't going to rack up demerits. And it's true that if the commander and I were still only Alliance soldiers, there's fraternization policies in place to restrict any abuse of power. But Spectre status negates that."  
  
_ And to think, only a few days earlier Allers had dubiously asked Shepard about Kaidan's media training. Or lack thereof. Shepard found himself snorting into the whiskey over Kaidan's attentive expression.  
  
 _"So you and Commander Shepard are considered above reproach by the Council?"_  
  
 _"No, no, I'd never say that. We have the agency to pick our partners, that's all. There's plenty of regulation for Spectres, despite popular opinion, but the Council stays out of our personal lives."_  
  
 _"What do you say to the allegations of nepotism concerning your promotion? Some have questioned the validity of your Spectre status in light of your association with the commander."_  
  
 _"I'd say it's remarkable that the Council saw fit to grant one human Spectre status, let alone two. It shows how far we've come as a species in such a short time, and it's a huge honor,"_ Kaidan said.  
  
Whatever pretense he'd put on to stomach the intrusiveness of the interview was disappearing beneath his natural integrity; Shepard could see that pesky adherence to honesty turning him from a Kaidan-shaped mouthpiece to the guy who'd lost his favorite watch to James during their last poker game.  
  
On the vidscreen, Kaidan leaned in. _"Look, I was asked about favoritism when I accepted the promotion, and I'll say now what I said then—I didn't put it out there myself, and it wasn't a lock. The Council deliberated and thought that my credentials made me a good fit, and they upheld their decision even after Udina was revealed to be a Cerberus agent. If you have questions, you'll have to ask them."_  
  
 _"Major, have you abused your authority as a Spectre? Have you observed Commander Shepard acting outside the bounds of galactic law?"  
_  
 _"I can say for myself, and from what I've observed of Shepard it's the same, that I've never abused my authority. You know, standards of honor and integrity are a big part of the draw for a lot of soldiers when we join up—or they were for me, at least. I'm an Alliance man, inside and out. I had my doubts about Shepard's involvement with Cerberus, so I get the suspicion, I honestly do. I gave him hell every time I saw him, refused to let it go. But he blew that Collector base and rejoined the Alliance, and we've been dodging bullets from Cerberus thugs on almost every mission. Shepard's proved himself to be an Alliance man, and I don't think the Council would have reinstated him if they weren't sure of his loyalty."_  
  
It finally cut to Shepard, who looked about as at ease on camera as he ever did. There were lines between his eyebrows he hadn't noticed before, and Shepard made a concerted effort to slacken the muscles in his face as he watched.  
  
 _"If you want to hold me accountable for my actions on duty, fine. That's fair. But I think it's pretty obvious that people want a distraction right now, and I'm not happy with that distraction being my personal life."_  
  
 _"Commander, what do you say in regards to the—"_  
  
 _"I'll make this easy for everyone,"_ Shepard said testily. _"No, I am not a Cerberus agent, and neither is Kaidan Alenko. Our relationship is above board, and our records speak for themselves. That's it."_  
  
It cut back to Allers without fanfare. Her gaze met the camera, and the audience, directly.  
  
 _"I reached out to a Council source, an asari aid, and after a day's worth of repeated requests for comment, they finally released a statement. 'The Council and the Alliance have better things to do than answer pointless queries about matters non-essential to galactic peace.'"_ Allers paused, and Shepard could almost call her expression judgmental. _"I couldn't agree more. This is Diana Allers for Battlespace."_  
  
\--  
 _  
_Shepard's policy, once the Battlespace segment went live, was to aggressively ignore the speculation. It didn't matter that things didn't go back to business as usual, because there _was_ no usual on the Normandy. From the confines of the ship, it was easy to put it out of sight and out of mind, and Kaidan wasn't in any hurry to address it either. On missions, there was too much chaos, too many bullets flying, to worry about civilians swarming them with questions. They were in and out and jumping to the next system before anyone could so much as look at them askance.  
  
Unwanted reality crept back in the next time they leapfrogged their way through the relays and back to the Citadel. Staring and whispering passersby were par for the course by now, but Shepard wasn't used to quite this level of scrutiny just passing the line in front of Purgatory. He, Kaidan, and Edi made for an unmistakable parade of notoriety in the crush of bodies. Well, it was a crush of bodies until they all parted to leave a perfect walkway for the trio of them, staring and leaning over to mutter into each other's ears.  
  
"Looks like we got the welcoming committee," Kaidan said, adjusting a strap on his uniform uncomfortably.  
  
Edi was mostly unfazed, it looked like, and drifted away from them the second they were through the VIP entrance.  
  
"I don't remember them being quite so friendly last time around," Shepard said.  
  
Fame and infamy were two sides of the same shitty coin, but the sets of eyes on him—in an area where folks were usually so focused on their own drunkenness or Red Sand-induced euphoria that they only looked around at last call or to scope out a potential dance partner—felt different than the usual gawking.  
  
"Must be our lucky day," Kaidan said, and it was the last he spoke until they were in the thudding heart of the club, near the dance floor, setting up a line of shots at Jack's table.  
  
"Nice to see you again, Alenko," she said.  
  
"Likewise," Kaidan said, smiling through the tight uneasiness on his face. Strobing lights, shifting colors, bass that shook the soles of Shepard's boots. It was a recipe for a bad day in Kaidan Alenko's world. He'd wanted to shoo Kaidan back to the ship after their official business concluded, but Jack's invitation was an invitation, and he figured it was better if they kept living their lives like no one was watching.  
  
Jack slammed the first of the shots, using her biotics to neatly float the glass back to the table and flip it upside down. Shepard rolled his eyes.  
  
Kaidan gave a low whistle. "Nice, but I'm afraid I don't have any party tricks to match it."  
  
"Sure you don't." Jack wiped her mouth with the back of one hand. "Sit down, do a shot."  
  
It was pretty obvious when Kaidan used biotics to pull out his chair. Shepard rolled his eyes again. Pissing contests.  
  
"Why do I have a feeling I'm going to regret this?" Shepard asked. He sat opposite Jack and next to Kaidan as he matched the next shot Jack took, still looking quietly pleased with himself over that chair trick.  
  
"Oh, come on, Shepard. This is way more fun than sulking around the Embassy, avoiding reporters. And it's a hell of a lot more interesting than my duty rosters."  
  
"Is that what they have you doing now? Paperwork on shore leave?" Shepard asked, amused. Jack could bitch to her heart's content, but there was no way she'd been buried in datapads on shore leave unless that was exactly where she wanted to be.  
  
"How the mighty have fallen." She didn't do anything fancy to the next empty shot glass. Good thing, too, or she might have knocked some of them over. Biotics involved delicate, nearly impossible work on that small of a scale, and trying that trick again two shots down was a gamble even Jack didn't take.  
  
"Military life suits you."  
  
"Perks are nice. Free room and board, for one thing, and occasionally they let me out to see some action. But I feel like a mother hen looking after all of these baby biotics."  
  
"You're in charge of a biotic squad?" Kaidan asked, suddenly no longer blending in with the architecture. He pointedly nudged a shot at Shepard, who sighed and downed it, throat tightening at the sting.  
  
"Yep. They run support for the 103 rd M.D."  
  
"Holy shit. I used to run Biotics Special Ops, and I think some of them ended up in the 103rd." He shook his head wonderingly. Shepard thought he just _might_ have been feeling the shots. "I just … never put the pieces together. I read your file a while back, but I didn't exactly keep tabs on you." Kaidan looked impressed, and he toasted her, the little glass dwarfed in his big hand. "Small world, huh?"  
  
"It is for human biotics." She curled a smirk at him over the edge of the shot before tossing her head back. "So, imagine my surprise when I saw that the Great Commander Shepard had finally settled down."  
  
Shepard groaned. "Do we need to talk about this?"  
  
"Hey, I invited you both here for _congratulations_. You're the one acting like it's your funeral."  
  
"And I suppose you'd be delighted if you were in our shoes?" Kaidan asked.  
  
Jack laughed. "I don't give a shit. Anything's a party after Purgatory. Though I'll tell you what," she leaned in and levelled a finger at them, "you punch out one reporter, they'll keep their distance for a while. You might spend the night in C-Sec, but who knows? It's probably pretty hard to lock up a Spectre for disorderly conduct."   
  
"That's your advice, huh? Punch a reporter?" Kaidan asked.  
  
"This is getting too damn cheerful for my blood," Shepard muttered.  
  
"I don't know, punching out reporters sounds like a constructive use of your time," Kaidan said, cheerful and well on his way to soused.  
  
"Why does it have to be _my_ time?" Shepard complained, but he found himself smiling a little.  
  
"Because you're the hero who saved the galaxy. They'll forgive you more readily than me." Kaidan turned serious, wide eyes on him. "I don't actually want you to punch out a reporter, for the record. Please don't do that."  
  
"Can we talk about something else? Anything else?"  
  
This was _supposed_ to be a break for them. An attempt to get them back to where they were a week ago. Instead they were tossing around the overheated clip of the same old topic and getting surprised when it burned. He and Kaidan used to be something he went to for respite, but now it was laden with exposure, and neither of them was particularly happy about it. Shepard felt caught out, and he didn't know how to make that sexy, or alluring, or whatever.  
  
That shot was getting to him too. He glanced down at his tingling fingers and bemoaned letting Kaidan order for them.  
  
"You're just not keeping up with us, Shepard." Jack held out the next glass to him, and he took it despite his better judgment.  
  
"Moment of truth, Alenko," Jack said, and Kaidan's attention went to her, eyebrows raised. "What kind of a dancer are you? You as bad at the commander?"  
  
"Hey," Shepard said.  
  
"I've got some moves," Kaidan said, shrugging. Shepard watched deep, purplish lights smooth the edges of his face, feeling dazed. "I'll surprise you."  
  
Jack laughed at Kaidan's dancing as heartily as she laughed at Shepard's. She kept close, though, giving them the illusion of being part of a crowd. He didn't dance so much as let Kaidan steer the two of them around, smiling wryly and clearly more far gone than Shepard with his tingling extremities. The lights seemed to buzz now, and the press of Kaidan's lips to his made his mouth go pleasantly numb.

_\--_

Shepard woke up dehydrated but not quite hung over. Kaidan woke up two hours before the alarm went off, and Shepard found him slumped in the head with all the lights off, sweaty and pale.  
  
The bad part of the migraine—the part Shepard took to understand meant 'excruciating'—was over in twenty-four hours, most of which Kaidan spent in the med bay under Chakwas' supervision. Once that was over, there was still recovery, sleeping off the fogginess of drugs and general soreness. It wasn't the first migraine Shepard had seen Kaidan endure, but it was the first he'd had a hand in, and he left Kaidan a conciliatory water bottle once Chakwas cleared him to sleep it off in the cabin. He'd sprawled over most of Shepard's bed, face pushed into the pillow despite his sore temples, probably to block out the light and noise from the aquarium. Shepard pulled out a spare blanket in case he got cold and left him to it.  
  
It only took an hour or so to finish the mission once they touched down at the fuel depot. Aside from the knowledge of what was at stake if they failed to deliver something as vital as fuel, and that damned Brute in the reactor chamber like a swift punch to the stomach of surprise, it was pretty routine.  
  
Shepard's armor made him sweaty in a peculiar way, gave him a scent that regular sweat didn't quite achieve, and he found Kaidan waiting outside the door of his shower when he got out of it, arms folded across his chest.  
  
"You're up," Shepard said. "How's the head?"  
  
"Fine. How was the mission?"  
  
"Everyone's accounted for, and the reactors are back online. I don't think Cerberus is going to get a foothold there again."  
  
"Good, I'm glad." He paused, glanced down for a moment, and then caught Shepard's gaze with his own somber one. "Just, Shepard? Next time you bench me, at least have the courtesy to tell me so, all right?"  
  
Kaidan didn't even sound angry. He looked glum, tired, even resigned.  
  
"Whoa, wait. I didn't bench you. You were sleeping off a migraine."  
  
"I've gone on missions after migraines before. Half the time I don't even need a stim shot. You know it as well as I do."  
  
"Do you think I left you behind because of, what, you and me?"  
  
Kaidan said nothing. He kept up his steady regard, and eventually quietly said, "Having a hard time believing otherwise."  
  
"I've never done that, not even when it got really hot. I weighed the situation, and I figured letting you get a few hours of sleep was wiser than putting you out there when you weren't one hundred percent."  
  
"But that's my choice—"  
  
"No, it's actually not. I'm in charge of this ship, and that means I pick who's best suited for each mission."  
  
Kaidan's jaw firmed, and he looked furious, but Shepard knew from experience he got cold and distant when he was truly mad, and he tried to get his piece out before Kaidan locked up completely.  
  
"I thought we had an unspoken agreement here. The only thing that changed is you and me, off duty. The rest of it is the same as it always was. We have each other's backs. That means you trust me to do my job. You weren't fit for duty, so I took Vega."

He shook his head, but the corners of his mouth turned down in a way that made him look incredibly miserable. Shepard's first urge was to hug him, or maybe tell him to forget about it and go back to bed, but this was a thorn in their side that wasn't coming out, apparently.

"Is that really what this is about?" Shepard asked. "Or do we need to hash this out once and for all?"

Kaidan gave a heavy exhale, and it seemed to steady him some. "No. Maybe. I don't know." He made a frustrated noise and pinched the bridge of his nose, eyebrows pulled close together. When Shepard breached their distance, reaching out and cupping the back of his neck, fingers working in a clumsy rub, it spilled out, muttered near Shepard's shoulder so he had to lean in to hear it. "It's stupid—it's getting to me, and the more it gets to me, the dumber I feel."

That same tender spot inside of Shepard smarted. Helplessness was the thing that gave him bad dreams, clenched his jaw until Chakwas got on him for grinding his teeth. Now that he'd talked Kaidan out of his indignation, there was no problem he was actually able to solve. "It's just noise. You have to shut it out."

"It's not noise when it's you and me, Shepard. When my mom's inviting us to visit, after this is all over. When people are trying to hack my personal files. When our drunk grab-ass is all over the news," he laughed, a dry, tired sound. "I feel—trapped."

"By me?"

Kaidan's whole posture changed. He went stiff for a second, enough to ring alarms in Shepard's head, but then he closed the few inches between them bodily. His hip was snug against Shepard's, and his arm was a tight band across Shepard's back. "No, not by you," he said. "Not by us. It's not something you can fix. Just … let me get used to this new normal, okay?"

"I can do that."

"Good." Kaidan tilted his head up, meeting Shepard's gaze. "You know, you probably deserve a reward for all that patience."

"It _is_ magnanimous of me," Shepard agreed. His hand fit nicely at the small of Kaidan's back, the dip above his ass. There was a reason Shepard's hands rarely strayed from that spot in the vid.  
  
Though a shadow of exhaustion still lingered in his eyes, Kaidan gave him a gentle shove toward the bed. The mattress was about as comfortable as a steel pancake; Shepard didn't bounce on his landing so much as sprawl. But the small smile Kaidan wore as he strode over, hands prying at the gordian knot of his uniform unfastening, was a nice distraction.  
  
"I'll show you magnanimous."  
  
"Promises," Shepard said, but he got the better end of the deal by far.  
  
What he got was Kaidan's knees tucked against Shepard's sides as he mouthed over the juncture of thigh and ass, Kaidan hitching breaths as he tried to keep himself balanced on the pillows they'd used to elevate his hips. He was quieter than usual while Shepard ate him out, appreciative with his body more than his words, but that was okay. He knew what it meant to be able to do it in the first place. Sweaty, vulnerable Kaidan Alenko opening for each steady push of Shepard's tongue.  
  
He was an eclipse. Until they had to pull themselves together again—which turned out to be an hour later, when Joker tentatively tried them on the comm—to go deal with Cerberus and the Reapers and shitty reporters, the rest of the galaxy sunk to the back of Shepard's mind like a stone.  
  
\--

_To: HeroOfTheCitadel  
From: probiotic26_

_Re: To Have a Home, Chapter 12_

_I LOVE your Spectre_ _ 2_ _fic, but I have to ask—are you asari? Because Kaidan randomly changed genders in the middle of the story when he got pregnant, and humans don't really do that… Anyway, just wondering! Keep writing, this is great._

\- Fin

**Author's Note:**

> For spicyshimmy, who managed to turn the simmering of Mshenko in my brain to an outright boil with her A+ fic.


End file.
